A Blue Shirt In a Mormon Church

It was my first time blessing the sacrament (communion) in a Mormon church, and I bungled it. Most boys forget words or mispronounce phrases, but I went a step further by wearing a blue shirt. This was a faux pas of my religious duties. The church, like other religions, creates expectations or commandments (call them what you will) to separate the wheat from the chaff, a biblical way of saying the goodies from the baddies. “God will gather his wheat into the garner; but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire” (Matt. 3:12). Translation: Don’t mess up or there will be terrible consequences to pay. While my blue shirt wasn’t a cataclysmic error, I did get my hand slapped. 

Before I get into the details of the blue shirt catastrophe, let’s understand why rules like this exist. Every line of a religion’s rulebook is designed to gauge your allegiance to the group. Are you one of us, or are you one of them? Non-believers must be converted, relegated to hell, or, as some religions teach, executed. The Koran teaches believers to “kill them (non-believers), seize them, besiege them, wait for them at every lookout post” (Surah 9:5). The Christian Bible isn’t any better, teaching, “Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the Lord: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death” (Exodus 35:2). Perhaps you can understand why people are scared to think for themselves – to do so means death. 

The Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Islamism, and Judaism) turn otherwise sane and intelligent adults into “faith warriors” compelled to commit untenable actions against the non-believers. News stories are full of purity shaming, genital mutilation, forced marriage, rape, and suicide bombing – much of which is fueled by scripture-induced mania. Religion provides a constant stream of shocking and brutal behavior that keeps our newspapers in business.

In this essay, I answer the question, “How do you mold a sane and rational adult into a zealot?” After all, many of the men who committed the 9/11 attacks were college-educated. To answer this question, I’ll cover the eight tactics groups use to strip a person of his or her identity and replace it with a manufactured one. Finally, I’ll discuss how these “brainwashing” tactics were used on me and how it all started with a blue shirt.

Why Would God Care About The Color of My Shirt

On Blue Shirt Day,  what I’ll call “B.S. Day” to save time, I was asked to say the prayer over the bread that represented Christ’s body. I had watched other boys perform the ritual and saw it as a right of passage to getting my spiritual wings. As I knelt in front of 250 members, dark stains appeared under my arms. I pulled the microphone toward me, my breath rumbling in the speakers overhead. What if I screwed up? It’s a sobering moment when you realize that the congregation is watching – and will always be watching. 

Blessing the sacrament is not a hard job. There’s a card with the prayer printed in big, clear letters. All you have to do is read it. But even then, it’s a public test of your intelligence. Many boys fail, and some have self-confidence scars afterward. If you get a word wrong, you have to start again. This goes on for as long as it takes until you read it perfectly. What’s the record? I sat through seven readings once, and that poor boy never accepted the request to bless sacrament again. 

But that’s not the worst part. If you’re wearing a white shirt, at least you’re dressed respectfully. It was an unwritten rule in the Mormon church that men wear white dress shirts^[1] as a symbol of Christ’s purity. I didn’t know. That morning, I got out the only dress shirt I owned, a blue button-down that looked great with my grandfather’s hand-me-down slacks. Mom showed me how to iron it, and after a grand lesson in wrinkle removal, I walked to church in the summer heat. 

After blessing the sacrament, I got an invitation to visit the bishop’s office. For those not familiar with the structure of the Mormon church, your bishop is the equivalent of a priest or father. I didn’t think much of it since I’d had several meetings with him. He probably wanted to congratulate me on blessing the sacrament for the first time. But that wasn’t it. When I sat down on the upholstered green chair, he wrinkled his forehead and sighed. A framed painting of Christ hung on the wall behind him and fluorescent lights buzzed overhead. After a long pause, he said, “We don’t bless the sacrament in blue shirts. It’s offensive to God and a distraction to our members.”

Surely, this wasn’t a big deal. The bishop was asking me to wear a white shirt like the others. But as I sat there, across the desk from a well-intentioned man, I couldn’t help thinking: Why does God care about the color of my shirt? After all, I had put in the effort to wear my best clothes. Wasn’t that good enough? 

The experience put a scratch on the record of my religious faith. If God was anything, He should be happy that I was at church and that I had tried. But no, somehow the color of my shirt mattered. My bishop asked if I could get a new shirt before next Sunday. If this had been the Cain and Able story in the Bible, my sacrifice would have come up short and I was Able.

The Eight Tactics of Brainwashing

Before we go further with my B.S. Day, let’s pause to consider some research. In 1953, psychologist and researcher Robert Jay Lifton studied how groups indoctrinate followers. After interviewing twenty-five Westerners and fifteen Chinese citizens exposed to “brainwashing” during the Maoist Thought Reform Movement from 1951 to 1952, he published a book titled Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of Brainwashing in China. During this process, he discovered eight steps used by the government to strip a person of their beliefs and brainwash them into accepting Marxism. 

In the preface to the 1989 edition, Lifton writes, “Now, after twenty-eight years, my own sense of this book has changed. I see it as less a specific record of Maoist China and more an exploration of what might be the most dangerous direction of the twentieth-century mind: the quest for absolute or ‘totalistic’ belief systems” (vii). 

In an interview for The New Yorker, Lifton defined the term: Totalism. “Totalism is an all-or-none commitment to an ideology. It involves an impulse toward action. And it’s a closed state, because a totalist sees the world through his or her ideology. A totalist seeks to own reality” (Gessen). 

If his worries are justified, then what he found is a step-by-step guide for governments, religions, and cults to turn sane, rational people into Totalists. Let’s look at each tactic to see how the Mormon church applies them today.

1. Milieu Control:  To control a person’s milieu^[2], the group decides what media, ideas, and food a person can consume. It’s a censoring of all inputs, including who you’re allowed to speak with (Lifton 420). 

The Mormon church accomplishes this in multiple ways. First, you must avoid forms of media which include sex, drugs, foul language, and other inappropriate concepts to keep your mind and spirit clean. While this intent may be virtuous, it’s also psychologically exhausting.

Daniel M. Wegner (1948 – 2013), a Professor of Psychology at Harvard University,  was famous for studying thought suppression. In his paper, Ironic Processes of Mental Control, he found that when we try to avoid thoughts, we ironically think of them more often. This happens because we set up “mental monitoring systems” to watch out for bad thoughts, and in the process of guarding against them, we’re forced to constantly think about them. 

I’ve spoken with several people who have left the church and no longer feel a pull towards pornography. The fact that they can now think about natural sexual impulses without shame turns off Wegner’s “monitoring system,” along with the anxiety that accompanies it.

The second way the Mormon church uses Milieu Control is by devaluing any material not written by one of its prophets or authorities. Books of the world are considered dubious and often labeled anti-Mormon. Members are reminded that if they want to find the truth, they must learn from church-written and approved texts. This attitude creates a palpable sense of fear that you could be ruined if you explore secular ideas, academic papers, or stories from non-members, regardless of how rigorously written and well-sourced the information is.

Finally, the church has defined rules for what a member cannot consume including coffee, tea, and alcohol. All Abrahamic religions seem to weigh in on taboo foods^[3]. The Jewish faith bans pork and shellfish (“Jewish Dietary Laws”), and the Islamic faith goes on to ban additional foods including carnivorous animals and birds of prey (“USA Halal Food Council”).

2. Mystical Manipulation: This tactic reduces a person’s capacity to make rational decisions, often through mental or physical exhaustion. The group might expect you to attend long meetings, take on excessive responsibilities, or deprive you of sleep (Walsh). “One is asked to accept these manipulations on a basis of ultimate trust” (Lifton 422). 

In the Mormon church, it’s common to say that members need three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with the good word of God (Hinckley). That second item, a responsibility, is what the Mormons refer to as a calling. There are few paid^[4] positions in the church. Every person becomes responsible for the health of the ward (local congregation) in some way. Often, a calling is a teaching position, in which you’re expected to teach classes on gospel topics. Lifton tells us that within a “brainwashing” system, members are required to participate in the manipulation of others, as well as in the endless round of self-betrayal that is required.  

I’ve had many callings, and often as a teacher. I can remember being asked several times about sensitive topics found in the Book of Mormon ranging from polygamy^[5] and prejudice^[6] to murder^[7].  My standard response was that God would one day answer those questions and that we must have faith. That answer was a direct manipulation of my student’s trust and an act of self-betrayal against my critical thinking. I’m ashamed that I let it go on for so long.

3. Demand for Purity: This tactic allows the group to define its version of purity. “The experiential world is sharply divided into the pure and the impure, into the absolutely good and the absolute evil” (Lifton 423). This definition can become a mantra, pledge, or even a set of laws that the group uses to protect the purity of its members. Women in fundamentalist sects^[8] of the Mormon church are told to dress like pioneers while Islamic women must wear a full burqa, covering them from head to toe in black. 

There’s a crippling sense of purity culture in the Mormon church where any sexual experiences are frowned upon from masturbation and premarital sex to the most basic thoughts that “pop up” in your head. We’re taught that if you have an inappropriate thought, you’re normal, but if you linger on that thought, you’re a sinner and would need to meet with the bishop. The issue with impurity in the Mormon church is that if you’re honest about it (e.g. you confess to your bishop), it’s possible that he could prevent you from participating in public events like taking the sacrament or serving a mission. When someone doesn’t take the sacrament, it’s hard not to wonder what they did wrong. The potential for this shame often prevents people from confessing to their bishop, which creates a whole new problem – guilt. Members may hide their secrets, filling them with spiritual anxiety. While the church does not publish research data on how these policies affect mental health, I know many along with myself who have lived with unnecessary stress, a lack of self-confidence, and even depression because of it. 

4. Cult of Confession: Confession is a critical part of indoctrination. “It is an act of symbolic self-surrender, the expression of the merging of the individual and the environment” (Lifton 425). It’s usually a meeting between the follower and the leader in which the follower purges themselves of their errors. The leader can use this information to further influence the follower. Once you share your dirty laundry with someone, they could hang that laundry out to dry in the middle of the town square. 

In the Mormon church, members are encouraged to meet with their bishops for confession. Note that this bishop does not usually have theological, clinical, or psychological training; he could be a plumber or an accountant. My previous bishop sold flooring. He’s a wonderful man, but I doubt his resume prepared him for the confessions he receives. My B.S. Day was not an act of confession, it was a corrective event. However, I have confessed to my bishop. I too was prevented from taking the sacrament, and as members of the ward watched me skip the service, I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Ask me at that moment if I felt Christ’s love, and the answer would have been a resounding “no.”

5. Sacred Science: Members of the group are led to believe that there’s a deeper meaning to the group’s doctrine and that they’re simply not capable of grasping the meaning – yet. I use the word “yet,” because the group teaches that with time, faith, and adherence to the rules, the meaning will be made clear. This leaves the member hoping there’s gold at the end of the rainbow when there is not. “The totalist milieu maintains an aura of sacredness around its basic dogma, holding it out as an ultimate moral vision for the ordering of human existence” (Lifton 427). 

In the church, there are several doctrinal questions which lack a reasonable answer. Why were Black men banned from holding the priesthood until 1978 (“Race and the Priesthood”)?  Why was the church’s founder, Joseph Smith, a Mason and why does the church’s most sacred ordinance resemble their rituals (“Masonry”)?  Why did Joseph Smith marry 34 women, many of whom were young girls, sister pairs, or the wives of other living men (“Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo”)?  Questions like these are above a member’s pay grade. To ask them shows a level of doubt, and so many members ignore them, hoping that one day it will all make sense.

6.  Loading the Language: This is a particularly deceiving technique where the meaning of words is changed to suit the needs of the group. “The most far-reaching and complex of human problems are compressed into brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed” (Lifton 429). To clarify, the group cherry-picks phrases to represent their needs. 

In the Mormon church, there are several scriptures or phrases that members cite ad nauseam. When children turn three, they begin learning songs to drive these words deep into their psyches. On the surface, they’re positive, but they do play a part in brainwashing and could lead to negative outcomes. 

A member might ask, “What’s so bad about teaching kids these phrases? Don’t we want them to be positive?” Of course, we do. The problem isn’t the phrase, it’s the critical thinking that it discourages. Members are so enamored with these slogans that they fail to question leadership or doctrine.

“I will go and I will do the things the Lord hath commanded” (1 Nephi 3:7) is the first phrase that comes to mind. This passage from The Book of Mormon promotes the idea of faith. It also convinces members that no matter what the church asks, it’s expected that they do it. Members may take on callings (responsibilities) they’re not prepared for, give money to the church when they can’t cover their debts, and more.

“Choose the Right” is so common a phrase, that members wear rings with the acronym CTR printed on them. It’s a reminder to always pick the righteous path. Unfortunately, it also creates a perfection mindset, and when members make mistakes, they can break down from a sense of personal failure far beyond the consequences of their actions. 

“Families Can Be Together Forever” is the final phrase we’ll consider. This message signifies the ultimate goal of every member, to become like God and live forever with their spouse and children. This is a conditional promise wherein all members of the family must be baptized, pay their tithing, attend the temple, and more. If everyone checks all the boxes, then, and only then, can the family be together forever. This puts pressure on the home when family members make mistakes or ask sensitive doctrinal questions. If a spouse has doubts, the marriage is jeopardized. If the faithful spouse stays with the “apostate spouse,” there could be severe spiritual consequences. Divorce is a common step when doubt rears its ugly head.

7. Doctrine Over Person: “Lifton’s ‘doctrine over person’ describes a situation in which the doctrine of the group shapes the reality in which the member must exist” (Walsh 125). It’s a “subordination of human experience to the clams of doctrine” (Lifton 430). You give up yourself and your identity to the higher message. Lifton goes on to say that the resulting logic can be so compelling that it replaces our reality.  

What does this look like in practice?  In the Mormon church, the culmination of all doctrine is that if you do well, you will become a God in the next life with your spouse. That’s a compelling promise, one that motivates members to waste and wear out their lives^[9]. We find these kinds of doctrinal promises in every religion. The idea that martyrs of the Islamic religion enjoy the company of virgins^[10] is a strong motivator for young, testosterone-filled men to become suicide bombers. 

When I joined the Mormon church, I found myself on a predefined path. I was to go on a two-year mission after High School, get married quickly thereafter, have kids, take whatever calling the church gave me, give them 10% of all my income, and blindly accept the doctrines that didn’t make sense. The Mormon church is positive and kind when encouraging these steps, but it’s clear that if you stray from this path, you’re swimming towards the deep end of the pool without your arm floaties.

8. Dispensing of Existence: According to Lifton, there’s a clear delineation between those who have a right to exist and those who do not (433). Some cults provide labels to these groups of people, others take a more diluted approach. This is where “rebirth” comes into play. 

For example, in Christianity, it’s said that at your baptism, you’re “reborn,” a symbolic reference that you’ve left your old life behind. While this can have a positive effect as members try to step away from their poor or harmful behaviors, it goes much deeper than that. I live in Utah where the Mormon church is the dominant religion. In most neighborhoods, people know the non-member homes.  I’ve lived here both as a member and a non-member, and there’s indeed an invisible fence between the two. Mormons are constantly under pressure to convert their neighbors, and the non-members constantly feel a sense of judgment. 

In Lifton’s research, he discovered that the Chinese government segregated between the “people” and the “non-people” as it attempted to convert citizens to the new, Maoist way of thinking (433).  It’s a poignant use of terms and one that feels transferable to religion, where, if you’re a non-member, it can feel like you don’t exist. 

Each of Lifton’s eight criteria can be found in the Mormon church along with the other Abrahamic religions. I experienced them daily, but I was unaware of them at the time. These tactics are so pernicious that they subdue your sense of self and rationality. Before long, you’re caught up in the hype of the group. Now that we’ve seen how these work, let’s get back to my B.S. Day and discover why it matters.

What B.S. Day Should have Taught Me (But Didn’t)

After my awkward meeting with the bishop, I walked home the long way, needing extra time to think. He meant well, that was certain. He wasn’t rude about my shirt, so why was I upset? Even now, many years later, I feel a punch to the gut that my best wasn’t good enough for God. 

A white shirt is a simple thing. It represents a religious custom or rule that must be followed if you’re to be accepted into the fold. That’s the rub. If Christ’s love (or Allah, or Yahweh) is unconditional, why are there so many conditions? 

In the Mormon church, you’re not allowed to drink coffee or tea, you must pay 10% of your income to the church, tattoos and piercings are frowned upon, and you’re expected to leave your family for two years at the age of eighteen to serve a mission in potentially hazardous parts of the world. I served in Manchester, England which was relatively safe, except that some of the neighborhoods were primarily Muslim and closed off to us as Christians. There are many more rules I could cover, but this piece is meant to be a short essay, not a full-length book.

B.S. Day should have been a sign that something was wrong with my religion. I should have gotten out, but I repressed my logic and stayed, devoting much of my life and income to the church. When I calculate 10% of our family income over the twenty-two years I’ve been married, the figure depresses me. We could have used that money to pay off our debts or save for retirement. It’s no wonder religions need converts – each new member comes with a wallet and a willingness to do what they’re told. If I could go back, I would tell my younger self that God has bigger problems than a blue shirt and that I should get out while I still had some critical thinking left.

As a thought experiment, consider a world in which blue shirts didn’t matter. What if, instead of blindly following a set of rules from ancient books like the Bible or the Koran which draw divisive lines between us and our neighbors, we spent the day tilling a garden, going for a walk, or, God forbid, having a meal with those unruly neighbors. Imagine a world where people didn’t come preloaded with judgments and righteous indignation towards each other. 

Some might argue that in the absence of religion, we would find new ways to shun each other. After all, children in the sandbox know how to persecute the new kid without training or religious animosity. Where does that anger and hatred come from? Are humans destined for tribal warfare? Perhaps. But let’s consider what happened to me when I left the Mormon church.

As a member, I was nervous around anyone who wasn’t Mormon. Why? Because they might influence my kids to be “worldly.” If they had tattoos, drank, or wore tank tops (thereby showing too much skin), I felt a real sense of anxiety. My mother never joined the church and I’m ashamed to say that I felt awkward around her, the sweetest person on this planet. There was an invisible wall between myself and the non-members, and my job was to bring them to the light. When I left the church, the invisible wall went away. I can finally sit with people in peace. I don’t have to accept or reject them, preach to them, or feel sorry for them. I can just be with them and enjoy their company. I can finally love people unconditionally, and it’s bliss. Oh, and I’ve never felt closer to Mom.

Where Do We Go From Here?

If God does exist, he/she/it allows for infinite amounts of atrocity in the name of religion. In the Mormon church, God is said to love his children equally. A quick read of the newspaper will prove that God loves me more than most. I’m a white man living comfortably in suburban America. I have a pool, a healthy body, a good job, and little to worry about other than what books I’m reading. Compare my situation to a child born in Gaza, where Hamas uses her as a human shield, believing that she’ll go to paradise for her sacrifice. If this child-murdering God exists, it doesn’t love us equally.

Religion fills a hole in people’s lives. I know, because it filled a hole in mine. But here’s what I discovered: The hole never went away, being Mormon simply distracted me from its presence. In reality, we all deal with hard things, have bad days, and are afraid of the dark. That “hole of human existence” is always there. Instead of using religion to sedate ourselves from the terror that lurks outside our doors, it’s far better to stare at those dark spaces with eyes wide open. I have one life to live, and at 43 years of age, I’ve decided to leave organized religion, and you know what? I have a closet full of blue shirts that I love. 

———————-

Footnotes:

[1] As of 2020, the Mormon church has relaxed its standards on this issue, allowing men to wear blue shirts.  However, that was not the case when my story took place in 1997. As of this writing in 2024, my home ward is still very much on the “white shirts only” plan. I suppose you could wear a blue shirt, but you might get a few odd looks.

[2] “Milieu” is a French word, meaning environment or setting.

[3] This list presented here is a sampling. Each religion provides a much more extensive list of what you can and cannot consume.

[4] Prophets and apostles, receive financial support. The amount is not published, but some documents have been leaked.  (“How Much Do Top Mormon Leaders Make?”)

[5] See D&C 132:52 – 54 where, after recounting several instances in the Bible in which polygamy was allowed by God, Emma Smith, the wife of the prophet Joseph Smith, is compelled to accept the fact that he has taken many wives (“Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo”). Emma must accept these wives (34 in total) and be a good handmaiden or God will destroy her.

[6] See 2 Nephi 5:21 where God cursed the Laminates because of their iniquity. “For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.”

[7] See 1 Nephi 4:12-18 where Nephi, a prophet of God, is commanded to kill Laban who is considered wicked. Church members apologize for this act of murder, saying it’s better that a wicked man be killed than allow him to influence others who would perish in unbelief. Mormonism is not a culture that actively seeks this behavior today, but it does make justification for why God allows such things.

[8] Warren Jeffs was the president of the most popular sect, The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These sects are not endorsed by the Mormon church.

[9] The phrase “waste and wear out our lives” comes from Doctrine & Covenants 123:13 and is a popular expression members cite. I used to say it all the time as a reminder to give everything I had. Looking back, it makes me sad to think I was so entrenched, that I was willing to waste and wear out my only chance for life.

[10] It’s said that a Muslim man who dies exterminating infidels will be rewarded with 72 virgins in heaven. This reference comes from the Hadith, a collection of sayings from the prophet Mohammed. However, since there are many translations of this work, there is disagreement between scholars on how to interpret this promise.

————————-

Works Cited:

Gessen, Masha. “How to Maintain Hope in an Age of Catastrophe.” The New Yorker, 12 Nov. 2023. www.newyorker.com, https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-new-yorker-interview/how-to-maintain-hope-in-an-age-of-catastrophe.

Hinckley, Gordon B. “Converts and Young Men.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Apr. 1997, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/eng/general-conference/1997/04/converts-and-young-men.

Holy Bible: King James Version. King James Version Bible giant print standard edition, Christian Art Publishers, 2017.

“How Much Do Top Mormon Leaders Make? Leaked Pay Stubs May Surprise You.” The Salt Lake Tribune, https://www.sltrib.com/news/mormon/2017/02/02/how-much-do-top-mormon-leaders-make-leaked-pay-stubs-may-surprise-you/. Accessed 28 June 2024.

“Jewish Visiting.” Jewish Dietary Laws, https://www.jvisit.org.uk/jewish-dietary-laws/. Accessed 28 June 2024.

Khattab, Mustafa, editor. The Clear Quran: A Thematic English Translation of the Message of the Final Revelation. Book of Signs Foundation, 2016.

Lifton, Robert Jay. Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of “Brainwashing” in China. 6. ed, Univ. of North Carolina Pr, 2004.

“Masonry.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/eng/history/topics/masonry. Accessed 26 June 2024.

“Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/eng/manual/gospel-topics-essays/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo. Accessed 25 June 2024.

“Race and the Priesthood.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/eng/manual/gospel-topics-essays/race-and-the-priesthood. Accessed 26 June 2024.

USA, Halal Food Council. “Halal vs. Haram: What Foods Are Prohibited in Islam?” Halal Food Council, 29 Aug. 2023, https://halalfoodcouncilusa.com/halal-vs-haram-what-foods-are-prohibited-in-islam/.

Walsh, Yvonne. “Deconstructing ‘brainwashing’ within Cults as an Aid to Counseling Psychologists.” Counseling Psychology Quarterly, vol. 14, no. 2, June 2001, pp. 119–28. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1080/09515070110058558.

Wegner, Daniel M. Ironic Processes of Mental Control – ProQuest. https://www.proquest.com/docview/614322899?parentSessionId=Mx9qCubfnUh8%2FtY3%2FL0D45DLqZ33NwYjsA5qCOjlwPY%3D&pq-origsite=summon&accountid=14940&sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journals. Accessed 30 June 2024.